After a long day at school, your child may seem like a completely different person the moment they walk through the door. Maybe they’re irritable, prone to emotional outbursts, or just downright exhausted. Many parents experience this, and it has a name: “restraint collapse.”
You might not be familiar with this term, but you’ve probably experienced it with your child. It’s a common occurrence where children, both neurotypical and neurodiverse, release the pent-up emotions they’ve been holding back all day.
Neurodiverse children, especially those with autism or ADHD, may find school overwhelming due to sensory sensitivities and the highly stimulating environment. Understanding why this happens and how to manage it is key to keeping the calm after school.
Why Do Kids Struggle After School?
School is a highly structured environment where kids are expected to navigate new rules, expectations, and information. They have been working hard to hold it together all day, and this effort can leave them mentally and physically exhausted when they get home.
Sensory overload is another significant factor. Schools can be overwhelming with bright lights, loud noises, and constant activity. For children with sensory sensitivities, this can make the school day particularly challenging. By the end of the day, your child may feel completely drained.
Another common reason kids struggle when they come home from school is hunger. Have you ever checked how long the lunch period is at your child’s school? If not, it’s worth finding out! You might be surprised to learn that the lunch break is often very short—sometimes just 25 minutes. In that time, children are expected to line up, get their food, find a seat, and eat, all while potentially being distracted by their friends. With such a tight schedule, it’s easy for kids to end up not eating enough.
Remember, these challenges don’t happen in isolation. It’s usually a mix of different factors that make the transition from school to home tough for kids.
Tips on Keeping the Calm After School
Ask any parent, and they will probably agree that the after-school hours are the most difficult time of the day. You’re probably tired from your work day, but from the moment that final bell rings, you’re “on”, trying to squeeze in snacks, playdates, activities, sports, therapy, dinner, and homework into a few short hours.
If your child comes home from school grumpy, “hangry,” and out of sorts, it can easily make your evening feel like it’s spiraling out of control. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to play detective and uncover what’s really causing your child’s distress—and how you can make things better.
1. Establish an After-School Routine
You might be thinking, “This is obvious!”—and yes, it’s easier said than done. But ask any Behavior Therapist, and they’ll tell you that one of the best ways to help your child feel secure and calm after school is by establishing a predictable routine.
Write this routine down, include visuals and times, and post it where your child can easily see it. It’s okay if your activities vary throughout the week. You can either designate an “activity block” in your routine (like 4-6 PM), or create separate charts for each day. The important thing is that your child knows what to expect, so there are no big surprises after school. And whenever possible, stick to the same bedtime each night.
Here’s an example of an after-school routine:
- 3:30 PM: Arrive home and unload backpack 🎒
- 3:35 PM: Wash hands and have a snack 🧼🍎
- 4:00 PM: Free time (TV, outdoor play, extracurricular activities, sports, etc.) 📺⚽
- 6:00 PM: Dinner time 🍽️
- 6:30 PM: Homework 📚
- 7:00 PM: Begin bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, pajamas) 🛁🦷👕
- 7:30 PM: Bedtime story or quiet time 📖🛌
- 8:00 PM: Lights out 🌙💤
2. Help Your Child Regulate After School
Every child has different needs when it comes to winding down after a long day at school. Some might benefit from running around outside to burn off extra energy, while others may prefer a calm activity like watching TV with a snack or sitting in a quiet area with a weighted blanket. A warm bath or shower can also be soothing and help with sensory regulation.
Pro Occupational Therapy Tips:
Incorporate “heavy work” into your child’s after-school routine. Heavy work involves activities that require pushing, pulling, lifting, or carrying, which help kids regulate their sensory systems and feel more calm and focused. Here are a few easy ideas to incorporate heavy work into your routine:
- Bike Home: Biking requires a pushing motion and can be very regulating.
- Push a Wagon: Have your child push (or pull) a younger sibling in a stroller or wagon.
- Playground Time: Let your child climb on playground equipment or a jungle gym.
- Playdough Fun: Encourage your child to squeeze and knead playdough or putty.
- Carry Backpacks: Ask your child to carry their own backpack—or even their siblings’ backpacks—into the house.
You might need to experiment to find what works best for your child, but once you do, try to incorporate it into their daily routine.
3. Address Hunger Right Away
If your child seems starving after school, they probably are! To help manage their hunger, consider these tips:
- Bring a Snack: Pack a small, nutritious snack like trail mix to give them when you pick them up. This “pre-snack” can provide quick energy and keep them satisfied until they have a more substantial after-school snack at home.
- Keep Snacks in the Car: If you pick your child up from school, keep a basket of shelf-stable snacks in the car for them to choose from.
- Pro Tip: Take the long way home. Extra time in the car gives your child more time to eat their snack and start digesting it. Put on a kids’ podcast to help them transition smoothly from school to home.
- For Bus Riders: If your child takes the bus and can’t eat on the bus, check their IEP or 504 Plan to see if they can have time to eat a snack or finish their lunch at school. Many schools are willing to accommodate this request.
4. Keep Bedtime Consistent
This one is really important – aim to keep bedtime at the same time every night, even on weekends. A calming bedtime routine might include activities like a warm bath, brushing teeth, reading a book, and having some quiet time before lights out. Avoid screen time at least an hour before bed to help your child’s brain and body relax.
5. Manage Homework Struggles
Homework can be a source of stress for both you and your child. To minimize conflicts, set up a designated homework space and time as part of your after-school routine. Break homework into smaller, manageable chunks, and allow short breaks if needed. Offer praise and encouragement for completed tasks, and if your child is struggling with a particular subject, consider reaching out to their teacher for additional support or resources.
When Nothing Seems to Work: Helpful Resources and Ideas
If you’ve tried all the above suggestions and still face challenges, consider these additional steps:
- Consult Professionals: Reach out to your child’s Occupational Therapist or ABA Therapist for tailored strategies.
- Contact School Experts: Email your school’s psychologist or social worker for additional resources and guidance.
- Allow Adjustment Time: Understand that it’s normal for your child to need time to unwind after school. You can offer support, but some things may be out of your control.
It’s important to set clear boundaries for your child’s behavior after school. Although it’s okay for them to need adjustment time, establishing limits on unacceptable behaviors helps maintain a healthy and respectful home environment.
At Westside, we understand the challenges that parents face after school, and we’re well-equipped to help your child with these struggles! We offer comprehensive pediatric therapy, including Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy, ABA Programs, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Speech Therapy, Feeding Therapy, Counseling, and Diagnostic Testing. Please contact us to learn more about our offerings! We’re happy to answer any questions you have and help you get started.
